depression

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Sometimes, my creativity is fueled by anger. Today is one of those days.

I’m not angry at the world, or the government, or large corporations (though I’ve sent large mental lightning bolts towards each of those on numerous past occasions). Not today. Today, I’m simply angry at myself.

That happens frequently, too.

My brain betrays me at every turn. It’s not for lack of intelligence. No, I’ve received my fair share of that. It’s not a paucity of creativity, either. I’ve got that one in spades. It’s a little thing called focus.

Let me backtrack a bit. I’m one of those people who is interested in many, many things. That’s good. I have a curious mind, and I want to find out about things, how they work, what happened when, why this is like that, and why that is like this. It’s all good. Read the rest of this entry »

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It’s interesting that I should be talking about Tony Stark and all his foibles and character flaws this week, because May 3rd to May 9th is also Mental Health Week. And that’s important to me. The Canadian Mental Health Association website has more information on this week of awareness.

Anyone who’s read my blog with any regularity has probably come across a post or two wherein I talk about my own mental health, my challenges with it, my depression, and my struggles to stay motivated. It’s an ongoing battle, and it’s one I fight every day. I’m dealing with things better than I did a few months ago, but I still have to keep a close eye on myself.

So here we are, then, with the countdown to Iron Man 2 overlapping with Mental Health Week. At first glance, it would seem that these two events have little in common. Practically nothing, in fact. The common thread is there, however, and I’ve latched onto it. Read the rest of this entry »

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When I was thirty-five, I was working at Dalhousie University, in one of the technology departments. My supervisor at the time, Frank Smyth, was also thirty-five. Not only were we the same age; we had also grown up in the same neighborhood and gone to the same elementary/junior high school. We knew each other pretty well.

Frank had cystic fibrosis, a condition that affected every aspect of his life. That year, the year we were both thirty-five, Frank died of complications associated with the disease. He was a bit of a record-breaker at the time, as few CF patients lived that long.

That was my first experience with someone my own age, in my immediate circle of family, friends, and colleagues, dying. It shook everyone who knew him, and it left a lasting impression upon my mental landscape.

This Thursday just past, I attended a memorial service for one of my theatre friends, Scott Murphy, who was three years younger than I am. He died suddenly, the Friday before, of a heart attack. It was a shock. We had just seen him and talked to him six days prior to his death. It didn’t seem real. Read the rest of this entry »

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Well, this is not good.

It’s been a month since my last entry on this blog. On February 28th (which was also a Sunday, because that’s just the way February rolls), I wrote a blurt about the Olympics and how my attitude towards them changed dramatically over the course of their seventeen-day run.

Seems like a long time ago, now.

Since then, I’ve started a couple of new posts—one on the remastered CD of the Beatles’ Help! album and one on the closing ceremonies of the Winter Olympics—but both of them seemed a bit flat upon rereading. I just wasn’t feeling it.

So, what have I been doing, then?

Well, sometimes it feels like I’ve been sitting around with my thumbs in a strange place, and sometimes it feels like I’ve been exploring the mysteries of life, the universe, and everything (but no, I haven’t been reading Douglas Adams). Read the rest of this entry »

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Well, as this is the sixth of January, the Christmas season is officially over. Today is Ephiphany, at least according to some calendars, and is the first day after the Twelve Days of Christmas (or Christmastide). I had originally thought that Epiphany was the twelfth day of Christmas, but it turns out I counted on my fingers wrong.

[I'll still wait until tomorrow to take my Christmassy banner off the blog.]

Anyway, on to the blopic at hand. On New Year’s Day, I started writing what was to be my first post of 2010. It was all about how horrible 2009 had been, and it got rather long. It also ended up containing a lot of really personal stuff and a few passages that I now consider to be bitter whining.

So I decided to sit on it a while, and I’ve now come to the conclusion that this stream of negativity should not be posted. I no longer have anything against sharing personal stuff on this site, but some of the things I wrote on January 1st really went a bit too far. Read the rest of this entry »

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So what's the deal with me anyway?

I embarked on this blogging thing back in August with guns blazing and pedal squashed to the metal. I wrote a blog entry every day for seven weeks without so much as a hiccup (a couple of cheats, but no hiccups). I was on a roll, baby. I was smokin'. I was in the zone. I was—

You get the idea.

And I was professional about the whole thing. I wrote movie reviews, music reviews, book reviews, superhero reviews, and the occasional thoughtful or humorous blurt.

Life was good.

Or was it? Read the rest of this entry »

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