… in which the blogger makes a confession and appears a hypocrite.

As you can see from the video above, I’ve done a complete, one-hundred-percent turnaround with regard to Apple. I know there’s at least one internet friend out there who is going to seriously take me to task for this, and there may be others as well, but all I can say is… what’s done is done.

I can’t fight it anymore. Mac has what I need, and I’ve gone and gotten it.

It’s going to make my creative life one helluva lot easier, and I’m going to be able to do some serious editing when I finally capture the footage I need for my documentary. Yeah, the one I’ve been saying I’m going to make for at least a couple of years now. The one about my father, music, and André Gagnon.

The documentary is moving closer and closer to becoming reality. All the signs are pointing to it coming together within the next few months. I have my new camera, which takes HD video, and now I have a kick-ass video editing tool.

It all bodes well. Now I just have to organize a road trip to the wilds of Québec and start a-shootin’.

It will happen.

Mark my words.

Let’s keep it real out there.

… in which a friend from the U.K. drops by for a guest post.

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The following post is from my friend Laura (@DruX73 on Twitter), who lives in Dorset, U.K., and is part of the G3 Radio team. Laura recently asked if I would like to write a guest post for the G3 blog, and now she’s returning the favor. Laura is known to frequent the corridors of Protagonize.com, which is where I first became acquainted with her and her husband (@DarkLiquid).

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The other day I killed thousands of innocents. I slaughtered them mercilessly and efficiently. However, I am also a Gaian, and part of my belief system is the fact that all life is sacred. So with this in mind, you can see how I might feel a little guilty about my act. However, even after I had carefully weighed up all the options, genocide still seemed the better option.

You see, I had to clean the mould out of my washing machine.

Like I said, as a Gaian, I didn’t view the mould as a pest; to me it has as much right to be alive as I do. I couldn’t even claim self-defence (as with bacteria in the body), since the intent to kill was there from the outset. This was clearly pre-meditated murder.

And yet, if I didn’t kill the mould, my washing machine would have become inefficient, using more water and electricity to clean my clothes. Eventually it would have needed replacing, using up more resources as a new one is made. Not only that, it could spread to my clothes and to the other parts of my house making them become inefficient and possibly deadly to myself and my husband.

All options point to killing the mould for the greater good. But still I came back to the idea that they, though tiny and unaware, are still alive. They had a right to a place in this universe as did I, even if right then and there it seemed their place was to gum up my washing machine. I hummed and hawed over this philosophical quandary for some time, looking deep into my soul, and asking my husband for advice (incidentally, he is a nihilist and just laughed at my heart-felt dilemma).

In the end I could see no other recourse; I apologised to the mould, said a prayer, and got on with the task of genocide.

… in which the blogger attempts to get over himself.

You know, sometimes I think I take myself way too seriously. I mean, I do have a pretty decent sense of humor, and I can definitely poke fun at myself, but I also spend an awful lot of time inside my own head, dwelling on my own problems and trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong.

I’ve also shared a lot of this with the blog-reading public. I’ve written about my personal journey and challenges, and I’ve been most gratified by the fact that readers have commented on these posts and actually encouraged me. That’s part of the reason I write these things. I want to connect with others, and I hope to somehow make a difference in someone else’s experience.

But at what point does public journaling cross the line and become public posturing and whining? At what point does “This is me” turn into “Poor me”?

I hope I haven’t crossed that line, but something way in the back of my head tells me that I’ve come perilously close.

I need to face the fact that I’m a very self-indulgent person. I’m an approval-seeker of the first order, and all those comments I mentioned have been very nice ego strokes. I mean, yes, I know everyone wants approval; everbody needs validation once in a while. But seriously, when you refresh your Facebook page umpteen times to see if anyone has commented on your status update, you know you’re in serious trouble.

So, it’s time for me to—as they say—get on with it. Instead of doing tiny little things and looking to see if anyone noticed, it’s high time I took some of those big things I’ve been thinking about, mulling over, talking about, tweeting about, and blogging about and actually start doing them.

I mean, how many times have I mentioned this documentary I “need” to make about my dad and music? How long does it take to get through another draft of my novel? When am I going to continue the Voices of Reason project and get another interview up on my blog? When am I going to stop sulking about my precious pantomine script and get back to my involvement with community theatre? There are so many things I want to do, and I am doing none of them.

[Okay, I actually am working on the novel. It just seems to be taking a long time.]

I guess you could say I’m fed up with myself. I’m tired of blaming everything on my “inner saboteur”, as I like to call him, and citing all the wounds and traumas I’ve experienced in the past as reasons for my lack of action.

It’s time to take my personal journey and repackage it. Instead of using it as ashes to spread on my face, I need to turn it into fuel for my creative vehicles. And, yes, there are a quite a few of those vehicles parked in my mental garage, but believe me, there’s more than enough fuel for all of them. I just need the right mix. And then… whoosh!

I don’t mean to minimize everything I’ve been through. I’ve fought hard for my mental health, and it will always be an important issue for me. I just think it’s time to move up to the next gear and honor my journey by making better use of it.

And, hell, I’m a creative person. I can think of a few ways to do that.

Let’s keep it real out there. (Time to take my own advice, eh?)