The Blog and the Anti-Blog

Let me just clarify one thing before I go any further.

This is not a blog post.

What you’re reading right now on this here site, this bit o’ text that’s appearing on your screen… It’s not a blog post.

It’s an anti-post.

I’m serious. It’s an anti-post. It’s the opposite of a blog post. I feel like crap today, and I don’t feel like writing a blog post.

So I’m writing this instead. It’s a non-blog-post. An anti-post.

And nothing you say is going to convince me otherwise.

So there.

And don’t try to get all semantic with me, either. I don’t mean "anti" like in "antipasto". That version of "anti" means "before". "Antipasto" means "before food". It’s basically appetizers.

This bit of writing I’m doing here, this utter nonsense unrolling itself before your horrified eyes, is not an appetizer. It’s not the prelude to a blog post. It’s not put here to whet your appetite for the blog-post-to-come.

I mean "anti" as in "opposite" or "against". Because I’m totally against writing a blog post today. My current mindset will not even entertain the notion of writing a blog post.

So if you thought I was going to put up another movie review or commentary on writing or description of another cool, free piece of software, you’re going to leave here disappointed today. But you can at least get on with your day knowing that I’ve put a new concept in your head: The anti-blog.

Yes, the anti-blog. Something to read when information just isn’t what you’re looking for. Something to take up precious real estate on your computer screen without actually earning it. Something to make you wonder why you even bothered connecting to the internet today.

I can provide that for you. No problem. As a matter of fact, I am providing that for you. Right now. This very minute. You may hate me for it later, but at least right now there are letters on your screen for your brain to interpret. And when your brain does interpret them, it’s going to tell you exactly how little they had to say.

But that’s the beauty of the anti-blog. It takes the same amount of time and effort to read as a real blog, but without all the fuss and bother of actually having to understand something. There’s no need to comprehend here. Turn off the intellect. Surf the words. Relax. You’re not missing anything.

Now that I think about it, the anti-blog could fill a very important niche in internet culture. Everyone’s so hung up on "information". It seems that’s all we do when we’re on the internet: look for information. News stories, movie reviews, book reviews, recipes, remedies, bomb-making instructions. It never ends.

How about an information-free site that contains nothing you need to remember (or even register, for that matter)? What a relaxing experience that would be. Think of it: Stress-free surfing.

I think it’s a good idea.

It might even catch on.

But I don’t want you to remember that. It would defeat the purpose of this post collection of paragraphs.

Hmmm… Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Yep, I’m done here.

Sorry, that’s all there is.

Yes, I know. I’ve completely wasted your time.

No picture. No video.

I’m not even going to pretend you sneezed.

Nothing more to see here. Move along.

We’ll try again tomorrow.

Toodle-oo…