A Monologue on Dialogue

I'd like to talk about dialogue today. For some reason the topic just popped into my head, and I'm going to go with it.

One of the things I enjoy most about writing is dialogue. I have a good ear for it, and I'm able it write it pretty well. I can hear characters' voices as I type, and that seems to allow me to write dialogue that is fairly realistic-sounding.

Keep in mind that no written dialogue is perfectly realistic, because people don't really talk the way writers write them. If we wrote dialogue the way people really speak, it would be unreadable. People don't naturally wait their turn and let other people finish what they're saying. They also "ummm…" and "ahhhh…" a lot, and say a lot of pointless things that wouldn't really move a story ahead.

So dialogue in fiction (be it a book, a movie, or a TV show) is an approximation of how people speak. It's designed to move the story forward while allowing the characters to sound at least mostly realistic.

It must work pretty well, because we've been reading and listening to dialogue for a tremendously long time. We've been getting to know characters since stories were first written.

That's an important point about dialogue. If it's done well, it allows us to get to know the characters better. And that's why good dialogue is so essential to a story.

So I get annoyed when I read or hear dialogue that sounds hollow or trite. Or lines that are obviously written for exposition with little thought to characterization. Nothing can make my eyes roll quicker.

When I think of good dialogue, I immediately think of Joss Whedon, who created Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly (and Dollhouse, which I haven't seen yet). Joss is the master of sharp, witty dialogue, and I've come across few writers who can match him.

I also think of movies like Juno, whose screenplay won an Oscar. That movie was one of the quirkiest, funniest, and most realistically-written movies I've seen in a long time, and its accolades were well-deserved.

When I think of bad dialogue, I think of shows like Mutant X and, unfortunately, Smallville.

I never got into Mutant X. I thought the concept was interesting enough, and I liked the actors in it (Victoria Pratt had been in Cleopatra 2525, and John Shea had been in Lois and Clark). But, alas, the dialogue. I only managed a few episodes of it. The stories would probably have been interesting if the dialogue hadn't been so lame.

Smallville is, I guess I'd have to say, my guilty pleasure. I do watch it, and I'm up to about halfway through the sixth season now, but boy, I get annoyed with it sometimes. The writing is very spotty. They've had some really terrific episodes, and they've had some stinkers.

Again, it's the dialogue. Some of the saccharine platitudes that have issued from these people's mouths are nearly stupefying. The triteness is often cringe-worthy.

Sometimes I think they're trying to emulate comic books, which, if true, is beyond unfortunate. Comic books have, to my sensibilities, some of the worst writing anywhere. There are exceptions, of course, but I've read so many comic stories where characters are introduced by having another character say their name ("What do you think that is, Superman?" "I don't know, Aquaman, but let's go and find out.") that I've wanted to take my pile of paperback compilations out into the backyard and start a bonfire.

Okay, I'm ranting now. Let's pull this back a bit.

I'm in the unfortunate position of being a superhero fan and a dialogue purist. This may actually explain some of my personal issues. These two aspects of my personality are quite incompatible.

I watch Smallville because I'm interested in how they are developing the backstory for Superman and some of the other DC heroes. I don't watch it for scintillating dialogue. Which is a good thing, because that ain't what I usually get.

I'm all for entertainment value, and Smallville is certainly entertaining. It's just lacking some plausibility in the characters.

And, yes, I know that the entire premise of the show is unbelievable. But there's a difference between believability and plausibility. Within the framework of the show, given that we have a young man from outer space with extraordinary powers, everything else in that world should be plausible given that world's rules and scenario.

Unfortunately, a lot of the writing doesn't support that, so we end up with implausible characters and situations inside an unbelievable world.

And that just makes me mad.

End of rant.

Gesundheit.